Whilst poring through the mass of ballots, we discovered some gems that made us do spit-takes with our coffee (and that really burns). Some are clearly tongue-in-cheek. Others are clearly head-in-rectum. Here’s a selection of your funniest, strangest, and, well, most moronic responses. Hey, you wrote ’em.

Best museum: That one on Woodward in Detroit.

Best place to fly a kite: Ambassador Bridge.

Best place to cruise: The Caribbean; Please make it stop!

Best place for romance: In my ass.

Best Michigan vacation spot: Canada.

Best TV newscast: WDET.

Best politician: Coleman Young (He garnered three votes!); God; A mute one; Any dead one.

Best place for the mayor to hold a party: In my ass; Eminem’s house; Another town; Strip club (Note: Nearly every adult club in metro Detroit was nominated at least once); Belle Isle casino; In prison, where he belongs.

Best place to spot a celebrity: In my ass (We’re sensing a theme here).

Best place to fish: Fishbones.

Best local non-politician who should seek office: Dennis Archer.

Best smoke shop: Gas station.

Best head shop: Henry the Hatter; Bo-Rics.

Best record store: My computer.

Best big-box store: U-Haul; UPS.

Best building to blow up: My ex-boyfriend’s Riverfront Towers apartment; Anything post-modern; Any Hummer dealer; Metro Times.

Best Detroit experience for out-of-towners: Not getting shot; Going home.

Best adult novelty store: Toys R Us.

Best place to hear rap: From cars driving down the street.

Best comedy club: Detroit City Council.

Best strip club: Manoogian Mansion.

Best beer selection in a bar: Heineken.

Best wine selection in a bar: White Zinfandel.

Best restaurant to blow a wad: Hooters.

Best sushi: Kroger.

Best independent coffeehouse: Starbucks.

Back to main index of Best of Detroit — A character study

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