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Whilst poring through the mass of ballots, we discovered some gems that made us do spit-takes with our coffee (and that really burns). Some are clearly tongue-in-cheek. Others are clearly head-in-rectum. Here’s a selection of your funniest, strangest, and, well, most moronic responses. Hey, you wrote ’em.
Best museum: That one on Woodward in Detroit.
Best place to fly a kite: Ambassador Bridge.
Best place to cruise: The Caribbean; Please make it stop!
Best place for romance: In my ass.
Best Michigan vacation spot: Canada.
Best TV newscast: WDET.
Best politician: Coleman Young (He garnered three votes!); God; A mute one; Any dead one.
Best place for the mayor to hold a party: In my ass; Eminem’s house; Another town; Strip club (Note: Nearly every adult club in metro Detroit was nominated at least once); Belle Isle casino; In prison, where he belongs.
Best place to spot a celebrity: In my ass (We’re sensing a theme here).
Best place to fish: Fishbones.
Best local non-politician who should seek office: Dennis Archer.
Best smoke shop: Gas station.
Best head shop: Henry the Hatter; Bo-Rics.
Best record store: My computer.
Best big-box store: U-Haul; UPS.
Best building to blow up: My ex-boyfriend’s Riverfront Towers apartment; Anything post-modern; Any Hummer dealer; Metro Times.
Best Detroit experience for out-of-towners: Not getting shot; Going home.
Best adult novelty store: Toys R Us.
Best place to hear rap: From cars driving down the street.
Best comedy club: Detroit City Council.
Best strip club: Manoogian Mansion.
Best beer selection in a bar: Heineken.
Best wine selection in a bar: White Zinfandel.
Best restaurant to blow a wad: Hooters.
Best sushi: Kroger.
Best independent coffeehouse: Starbucks.
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