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Stories written by Alisa Gordaneer

154 stories found. Showing page 1 of 6.

Safety forced

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 3/8/2000

Types: Culture

We’re getting ready for an evening of fun, kicked off with a few shots of tequila and a blast of warmish weather. I’m dressed to kill, in a pair of knock-’em-dead shoes and a dress to die for. "Are you ready?" I ask the ...[MORE]

Miniserious: The Lizard of Fun goes in search of ratings.

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 3/1/2000

Types: Culture

This is the second part of a two-part miniseries. What? You missed the first part? No matter, it’ll play again during summer replacements. In the meantime, join the action in progress, which shows the Lizard of Fun lounging on a plush barstool...[MORE]

Winner's spoils: The Lizard tries to get game

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 2/23/2000

Types: Culture

Creepy doesn’t begin to describe the feeling I get, having switched on television expecting "That ‘70s Show" and getting "Who Wants to Marry a Multimillionaire?" Creepier still is the Lizard of Fun’s enthusiasm...[MORE]

Slight modifications: The Lizard pokes its tongue out at computer hackers.

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 2/16/2000

Types: Culture, Tech

I have a tattoo. I have a few pierced body parts. But, hey, so does almost everybody these days – compared with some people’s more creative body adornments, I blend into the background like a chameleon lounging on a beige, ‘80s-era sectio...[MORE]

Sex uncovered: The Lizard peeks between the Cosmo sheets.

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 2/9/2000

Types: Culture

I’m not sure if it’s singing or howling, but I am sure that the Lizard of Fun is wearing a pair of white satin bellbottoms and a big gold chain around its neck, and that ABBA’s Greatest Hits has been playing loudly for the past several ho...[MORE]

Ading up the ads: The Lizard of Fun bowls itself over

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 2/2/2000

Types: Screens, Television

It would be a typical Sunday, filled with the usual chores of tidying up after the Lizard of Fun’s Saturday night exploits, except for one thing: It’s the Super Bowl. A few minutes before game time, the Lizard of Fun emerges ...[MORE]

Crossover hits: The Lizard of Fun blurs a few boundaries.

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 1/26/2000

Types: Culture

Stomping snow off my boots and removing a mountain of coats, scarves and hats, I discover the Lizard of Fun huddled close to its favorite halogen reading lamp. "I’m stuck," it whines despondently. "It’s too cold out to h...[MORE]

Visionary vehicles: The Lizard hitches a ride to the future.

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 1/19/2000

Types: Culture

Vrrooooming with excitement, the Lizard of Fun has donned a pair of black leather driving gloves and a bright NASCAR jacket with an M&Ms logo. "Whoo-hoo baby!" it shouts, waving a pair of Auto Show tickets. "We’re gonna go check ...[MORE]

Future perfect: You never can tell what the next 12 months might hold.

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 1/12/2000

Types: Culture

We’re all set. We’ve got an old Ouija board, a deck of well-incensed tarot cards, a set of dice that the Lizard of Fun swiped from a casino, and a shiny new Magic 8 Ball. It’s time to make predictions. "Say," s...[MORE]

Food Stuff: Sassy and saucy tidbits and news about food, with attitude.

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 12/29/1999

Types: Food & Drink

SEASONS CHEERS Sure, sure, eggnog is nice, and if you have to drink it, get the one from Northville's own Guernsey Farms, which tops the list for creamiest, thickest and eggiest all at once. Add sufficient rum enough to thin it to a drinkable texture ...[MORE]

Time, capsulated: The Lizard seizes the day--and locks it up, too.

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 12/29/1999

Types: Culture

Feeling inspired by the holiday spirits (and a bad case of the munchies) to snack on something sweet and crunchy, I make my way through the dark house to the pantry, intending to fetch the box of Millenios Cheerios I've been saving for just such an occas...[MORE]

Anywhere but there: You think you're gonna have a lousy time? It could be much, much worse.

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 12/22/1999

Types: Culture

Most of us will spend this New Year's Eve in relative comfort, even if our computers do come crashing down around our feet. We'll be celebrating with our families, our friends or at least some semblance of loved ones, either in small gatherings at nearby...[MORE]

Bag it: The Lizard puts fun on the safe side

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 12/22/1999

Types: Culture

Since it's the season of entertainment options that either involve getting nostalgic about Charlie Brown television specials or surfing waves of merry mall rats, I'm sitting with the Lizard of Fun, plotting Y2K survival strategies over a few bottles of v...[MORE]

The fun factor: The Lizard helps rate holiday happenings

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 12/15/1999

Types: Culture

I've said it before, I'll say it again, there's just a little bit too much excitement at this time of year for my delicate little constitution to handle. I need some way to make sense of it all. "You mean there are too many booze-filled ...[MORE]

Different gifts: If you gotta shop, you may as well get something interesting.

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 12/8/1999

Types: Culture, Shopping

1. KISS Bears Almost certainly destined to be the next Tickle Me Pokémon, these quaint collectibles are just the thing to brighten any toddler's bedroom. One look at Gene, Ace, Paul and Peter, all done up just like life, only in c...[MORE]

The un-gift: Alisa Gordaneer's brother may not shop for you, but he'll think of you. Now, our features editor doesn't want to say he's stingy. He is a little hard to shop for.

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 12/8/1999

Types: Culture, Shopping

Some people drop hints about what they want for Christmas beginning sometime around Memorial Day. They leave catalogs open, place little notes in strategic spots, and talk excessively about how their lives would be better if only they had a ... whatever,...[MORE]

Checks and balances: The Lizard explores the economy of holiday messages.

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 12/8/1999

Types: Culture, Shopping

The mailbox is overflowing. If it isn't overdue bills (and I do wish it wasn't, but anyway), it's gift catalogs from all the major mail-order retailers and a number of minor ones. And if it isn't either of those, it's card-sized envelopes, usua...[MORE]

Shop? Drop.: The Lizard tries to scale down its desires.

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 12/1/1999

Types: Culture, Shopping

Maybe it's from the radio, maybe there's an ad on television or in the newspaper. Doesn't matter. Somewhere in the collective semiconsciousness that is the media at large are the portentous words: "shopping days until." "Nooooo!" I shou...[MORE]

(Un)happy meals: The Lizard gives thanks for innocent fun

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 11/24/1999

Types: Culture

At this very moment, it's hard to think of something more intimidating than being face to face with a cold, dead, damp animal, except maybe having to stick my hand into its carcass in search of its guts. "Why does cooking a dead turkey symbo...[MORE]

Viruses R Us: The Lizard catches a sick sense of humor.

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 11/17/1999

Types: Culture

It’s officially flu season, as far as I’m concerned, and I’m not sure which of us is sicker, me or my computer. I’m shivering on the couch, sipping flat ginger ale and hoping against hope that the pounding in my head and the aching i...[MORE]

Progressive Heroes: Detroit Sunday Journal: Striking back

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 11/10/1999

Types: News, Media

When the first issue of the Detroit Sunday Journal rolled off the presses Nov. 19, 1995, it wasn’t meant to be a long-term project. A weekly newspaper published by and for the striking workers of the Detroit News and Free Press, the Journal ...[MORE]

Paper recycling: The Lizard looks at things with new eyes.

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 11/10/1999

Types: Culture

Something’s different, but it takes me a moment to notice what’s changed. It’s kind of like the way the world looks different the morning after you’ve been out partying all night and you haven’t slept yet, and you haven’t ...[MORE]

Food Stuff: Sassy and saucy tidbits and news about food, with attitude.

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 11/3/1999

Types: Food & Drink

NEW FOOD NEWS The more glamorous aspects of journalism involve charting new terrain, exploring new ideas, trying new food here are a few samples that hit the MT office lately. Sweet slurps Dannon is taking the lunchbox market by st...[MORE]

Gene eggs with ham: The lizard models super behavior.

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 11/3/1999

Types: Culture

Sickened by too much on-sale Halloween candy, I’m looking in the refrigerator for something nutritious to eat. After digging through the Lizard of Fun’s stash of Hershey bars ("Hey, careful!" it shouts. "Didn’t you hear t...[MORE]

Tricks for treats: Fright and fun are where you find them, says the Lizard.

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 10/27/1999

Types: Culture

A few houses over from mine, the neighbors have decorated their front porch with scarecrows, pumpkins, a dozen or so ghostlike objects and a sign announcing "Happy Fright Night." Next door to me on one side, there’s a libe...[MORE]

Celestial selling: The Lizard develops a lunatic plan

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 10/20/1999

Types: Culture

Against my better judgment, I’ve been watching the television news and reading the daily papers. Also against my better judgment, I’ve been sharing bits of the information I glean with the Lizard of Fun, who cringes with each mention of Hillary ...[MORE]

Dirt cheap sensation: The Lizard may not know art, but it knows what it likes.

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 10/13/1999

Types: Arts, Visual arts

In my driveway, there’s a pile of dirt. Not a large pile of dirt, really. Just big enough that I’d need to trade up to a midsized suburban assault vehicle to be able to park on it. But when I decide to move the dirt, I’m ...[MORE]

Purple promotion: The Lizard's closet gets emptied; how about yours?

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 10/6/1999

Types: Culture

I’m digging around in the catchall nightmare storage closet, in desperate search of a warm sweater, when I come across a tangle of legs, arms and silky hair. Granted, the legs are each about six inches long and somewhat rubbery, but it’s ...[MORE]

Java jab: The dark history of the drug that drives America.

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 10/6/1999

Types: Culture, Health & science

UNCOMMON GROUNDS: THE HISTORY OF COFFEE AND HOW IT TRANSFORMED OUR WORLD By Mark Pendegrast Basic Books, $27.50, 520pp. With cream? Sugar? Both or neither? Do you prefer your brew scalding hot, gulped down straight ...[MORE]

Shrine of the times: Banned books, urban myths and booger-related stuff

By Alisa Gordaneer

Published: 9/29/1999

Types: Culture

I’m rereading The Color Purple for the third or fourth time, when the Lizard of Fun snatches the book from my hands. "Hey!" I protest. "Give that back!" "No can do," says the Lizard, shaking its head. &...[MORE]

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